In a world where we’re hyper aware of our plastic consumption, ditching straws and nixing plastic grocery bags, it’s amazing some of these ridiculous aesthetic car accessories are still being made.
And not only that, that people are still buying them.
An aftermarket wing or exhaust can look classy, and there are plenty of other useful and cool-looking mods, but these 10 accessories?
How do we put this lightly… they’re unnecessary. Outdated. In other words: totally useless and nothing short of ridiculous-looking. Please don’t put these on your car, ever.
Yes, the front end of some vehicles look like faces, and, yes, sometimes the shape of headlights look like eyes, but that doesn’t mean they need eyelashes. Someone who owns an eyelash boutique might get away with installing these on a business vehicle, but that’s where we draw the line.
There’s so much useless stuff being manufactured in this world, and these plastic pieces of the male anatomy top the list. Install Truck Nutz on the rear underside of your pick-up and risk looking like the other part of the male genitals.
Nothing like a non-existent sunbeam casting through a non-existent sunroof to brighten one’s day. These stick-on pieces of vinyl give off the illusion of a sunroof, but the second a passenger slides into in your car, the jig will be up.
Overly political bumper stickers
Bumper stickers are like the original Facebook Wall: a place where people feel compelled to over-share their views, values and salad ingredients. If you want to get political, great. But maybe do so over dinner or a glass of scotch and not on the lower third of the back of your F-150.
If you’re into the look of vents, then buy a vehicle with vents. But please don’t stick on fake plastic ones just for fun. If, for some reason, you feel compelled to “install” them, at least consider placing them in a position that makes sense.
Leather car bras
Put a leather car bra on your ride in the ’90s and you were the coolest driver on the road. Fashion from this era may be making a comeback, but car fashion? Not so much.
Neon light kits
Maybe you installed a neon light kit on your Ford Probe in high school and thought you were the coolest person in your grade. Maybe you actually were. Unless you’re cast in an upcoming Fast and the Furious, leave these kits in the past where they belong.
Fake carbon fiber
Modern technology is amazing. It’s given us tools like Alexa, Fortnite and carbon-fiber paper that, when applied properly, can give off the illusion of carbon fiber. But because the stuff is so cheap, some folks go overboard with the application. Example A: see below. Don’t be that person.
Look, if a Buzz Lightyear antenna topper is what puts a smile on your face, so be it. But can we sway you to at least keep your car flair on the interior where it’s a little more—private (read: hidden)? Because you’re a big boy now.
Fake bullet holes
Best-case scenario: you look silly for having obvious bullet hole stickers on your car. Worst-case scenario: your neighbours call the cops on you because they think you have a bullet-ridden body in your trunk. Who wins here?
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