How the film critic eviscerated The Grinch

Every kid at the movies loves cartoons a lot.

But this critic, who sees most of such movies, does NOT!

It’s not that I hate them; I just need a reason

For CGI antics in any old season.

 

I think WALL-E from 2008 is my favourite.

And Toy Story one two or three? I will savour it.

But a third Mr. Grinch, when there’s already two?

(I refer to the TV one, now 52,

And the Jim Carrey version with live-action Whos.)

Unless it’s fantastic, I must say: Pooh Pooh!

 

Cindy-Lou Who, voiced by Cameron Seely, left, and Grinch.

But it opens on Friday, this Grinch-y rematch.

Who’s the green one? It’s Benedict T. Cumberbatch.

And Cameron Seely plays Cindy Lou Who.

She’s 11, a little bit more than just two.

 

Pharrell Williams narrates; he sings too, of course.

And for comic relief, there’s a reindeer, perforce;

He is surely as big as a Clydesdale horse.

Max the dog is still there, from the Dr. Seuss source.

 

The story stays close to the one penned by Geisel

With Seussian architecture – what an eyeful!

It adds for the Grinch a slight trauma primeval –

Heaven forbid he be just plain old evil!

Inspiring his Christmastime pilfering spree

Is the Whos’ plan to make this a yuletide time three.

Kenan Thompson agrees with this hyperbole.

 

To pad Seuss’s slight story (thirteen-hundred words)

There’s a Cindy Lou subplot, a trifle absurd.

She plans to stay up and to capture Saint Nick

And ask for a present in person; that’s slick!

What is this thing she wants on his elf-list?

I’ll bet 10 Who-Bucks it’s an item that’s selfless!

 

But the Grinch comes instead, with a plan most unpleasant

To pillage the town and make off with each present.

Ironically, here’s where the film hits its look

As he climbs with a candy cane grappling hook.

He has seven-league boots and ninja reflexes

That allow him to get to where each Who duplex is.

 

The Grinch should appeal to those very young.

To their parents, hooray! No joke involves dung.

But there’s little else there to attract the mature

Unless Angela Lansbury has some allure.

(A Whovillian mayor at age 93?

If Hazel McCallion can, then so can she!)

 

So if you take your wee ones, just don’t expect much,

And be glad that the filmmakers kept a light touch.

For it isn’t my job to abscond with your mirth,

Merely to tell you which films have real worth.

This one squeaks by with a grade that is passable,

Perhaps because Christmas makes me less irascible.

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